Alphabet Soup Idiots

So, on Friday, it was near the end of the day and a woman called in.

Me: Thanks for calling mp3 player support. This is Kathryn. How can I help you?
Customer: This is Doctor R* J*, PhD RN.
M: Hello, ma'am, how can I help you.
C: Some idiot transferred me to you. I was at your conference yesterday and I forgot to pick up my packet and my mp3 player.
M: I do apologize for that. Your mp3 player will be shipped to your address within 4-6 weeks...
C: This is DOCTA R* J*, PhD RN!
M: Yes, ma'am, I heard you the first time. Let me look up your information.
(I found it finally under R* J*, which had no DOCTA or PhD RN surrounding it.)
M: Sorry, ma'am, it took me a bit of time to find it because I don't typically spell Rachael with an ae.
C: WELL, THAT JUST FIGURES! This is DOCTA R* J* PhD RN! I SAVE LIVES!
M: Yes, ma'am, well, as I said, your mp3 player...
C: I WANT MY PACKET!
M: Well, frankly, ma'am, whoever transferred you to me didn't realize that I have nothing to do with that. I am the person who does tech support for the mp3 players. If you want me to, I can send a request to our distributor for the mp3 player to be sent out, but it will still take several weeks for it to arrive.
C: THIS IS DOCTA R* J* PHD RN! GIMME MY PACKET!
M: Ma'am, I'm trying to help you as best as I can, but as I said, you are talking to the wrong department for that. I can transfer you to the correct department.
C: THIS IS DOCTA R* J* PHD RN! YOU GET YOUR FAT A** UP FROM YOUR MINIMUM-WAGE IDIOT-PROOF JOB AND SHOVE EVERYTHING I NEED IN THE MAILBOX TONIGHT! YA HEAR?
M: Ma'am, since I am not the person who actually has either the mp3 player OR the packet, I can't do that.
(Never mind that I make double minimum wage and this is obviously not an idiot-proof job. SHE got through to me.)
C: THIS IS DOCTA R* J* PHD RN AND I'M GETTING THAT BY THURSDAY!
M: No, ma'am, you're not.
C: *click*